A Dash of Plagiarism

OK...confession time: The only part of this post that I actually wrote is this here opening paragraph. The rest of it is just something someone shared with me, and I thought I'd share it with you guys. Being the kind of living-on-the-edge guy I am, though, I'm posting it BEFORE I show it to my wife! Danger is my middle name! (Actually, "Daryl" is, but that wouldn't make much sense in this instance). Anyway, hope you enjoy it!

9 Deadly Words Used By Women

1) Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to just shut up.

2) Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something", and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end up with "fine".

4) Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

5) Loud Sigh

This is actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot, and she wonders why she is wasting her time standing there and arguing with you about "nothing" (see #3).

6. ) That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. ) Thanks

A woman is thanking you. Do not question, or faint. Just say "You're welcome".
WARNING: This is true, unless she says "Thanks a LOT"- that is pure sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say"You're welcome". That will bring on "Whatever" (see #8, below).

8. ) Whatever

This is a woman's way of saying " **** you!!!!"

9.) Don't Worry About It, I Got It

Another dangerous statement, meaning that this is something a woman has told a man to do several times, but now she is doing it for herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" (see #3, above).